A Thanksgiving to Reconnect
Reconnecting is the theme of the week.
By Jen Pihlaja of Rowan Strategies
Hello Friend –
Reconnecting is the theme of the week.
In this post:
We’re naming what heading into this Thanksgiving holiday week may feel like for folks. If you’re spending time with family and friends, we offer some information about ways to connect and re-connect with your people.
And last, we’re providing a few reflection questions as you continue to connect with yourself, what is important to you, and what gratitude means for you right now.
For me, this week always feels different. No matter what chapter of life or stop on the journey, there’s a distinct energy surrounding this week. Thanksgiving. And family. And food. And football games and turkey trots. The bad and the good history. The bad and the good future. Maybe you notice that too.
That energy isn’t always lighter to carry. For many, it adds layers to what you are already holding, AND it also offers a chance to use two powerful tools in everyone’s tool belts – connecting/reconnecting with others, and gratitude.
For many folks, it’s the first time you may see family in a while, or reconnect with old friends, particularly if you’ve been on the road working on a campaign this year. Maybe you’re adding planes, trains, and automobiles to get to that family. Maybe you’re not looking forward to the yard sign your uncle still has out in the yard.
As a facilitator, I spend a lot of time thinking about how to bring people and groups together in meaningful ways. As a participant in 50 Thanksgiving weekends, I have a few other lessons learned too.
I love how in this brilliant article, teachers of mine encourage us to make your Thanksgiving about more than the turkey — meaning, that “the phenomenon of human beings breathing, eating, and interacting in the same physical space is an increasingly rare and unique opportunity to create meaningful connections….so don’t waste it on the turkey.” (Maya and Rae have some excellent suggestions about how to do this too in their article, check it out).
Reconnecting doesn’t have to be grand plans or gestures. I mean, get after it if you are hosting a dinner for 25, that is GRAND. But if your plan is grabbing take out with your best friend from high school – what can you do to lean into reconnecting?
You have time. This is the long weekend mini-version of the week of “what day is it?” week in December between Christmas and New Years. So here are three tips:
Think of a better question than, “How are you?” Now, I am ALL about checking in an open-ended and empathic way… AND if the answer isn’t reflexively “fine,” or right now it might be “terrible, obviously”, let’s try to get more specific. It can be specific to the person – or specific about what you REALLY want to know about what you’ve missed in their life (whether you’ve been on a campaign or not).
Here’s a learning from the kiddos – got asked this once – “What’s something that made you happy this year, Auntie Jen?” Oh kid, thanks for asking.
Spend time together. Not everyone has the same level of wanting to dive into a conversation that may feel like “I feel like we haven’t connected, and I’m asking you a “deep thoughts” question right now….” My family generally doesn’t appreciate when I go there. It doesn’t have to be hard.
For example, is the thing you and your uncle have in common your love of the Chicago Bears? Commiserate about that together. And maybe add a question like, “What was it like the first time you went to a game? Do you remember who took you?” Learn something new about someone you’ve known your whole life. Maybe share a little with them too.
Express gratitude. There are a lot of ways to do this – I’ve always wanted the family where everyone goes around the table and says something that they’re grateful for. We might have done that once or twice, but mostly we go around with more mashed potatoes. Gratitude is felt and gratitude is shared.
What are YOU grateful for? Make a list. Send some texts. Write a card. Hug someone and say, “Thank you for everything. I am grateful for you and I love you.” More gratitude tips from positive psychology experts in the resources.
I’m looking forward to some cooking. And puzzling. And long walks. And finally reading a book that arrived today after 37 weeks on the library hold list. Some of all of those seven kinds of rest that Juli and Abby talked about in week 2. And connecting with the family and chosen family that sustain me, and am I grateful for every single day.
In a week or so, I’m looking forward to getting an opportunity to connect more with you. We’re going to explore a personal values exercise together in a Zoom session. If you want to spend some time doing homework, check out the link in the resources below.
With curiosity, compassion and connection –
Jen P
Reflection Questions:
What connection or re-connection with a loved one will you prioritize this week? (It doesn’t have to be ALL of them)
What are you looking forward to?
How are you going to “make Thanksgiving about more than the turkey”?
How do you express gratitude in your life?
What do you value? What is important to you?
Are you able to name your top values? What are they? (Check out Dare to Lead: List of Values - Brené Brown for a place to start.)
Resources:
Beyond the Turkey by Maya Bernstein and Rae Ringel
Dare to Lead: List of Values by Brené Brown
Jen Pihlaja is the founder of Rowan Strategies – a facilitation, strategic consulting, leadership development, and coaching practice. Rooted in her decades of leadership experience, Jen is deeply committed to shifting professional development – ensuring people feel more resilient, confident, and sustained in their work. As a coach, she is passionate about creating structure and space for people to bring their best-selves and strengths to all of the work that they are doing.
She’s also a veteran of more than a dozen campaign cycles and always happy to connect with folks on their journey. Email: jen@rowanstrategies.com
Find Rowan Strategies at our website, on LinkedIn, and Instagram